


Unheard Confession

by heyitskim



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: I wrote this whilst I was high on bubble tea, M/M, Unrequited Love, just wanted to post something here, kinda pretty angsty, my first fic on ao3!!, this is basically a first draft skjdfks, this is really terrible aksdjfad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 16:30:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15845079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyitskim/pseuds/heyitskim
Summary: Hansol Vernon Chwe's confession to his best friend and only love, Boo Seungkwan.





	Unheard Confession

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fic here!! Hope it's okay (:

I close my eyes, and all I can see is you, this image of you smiling, tattooed across my eyelids. 

I went to school every weekday, grinning dumbly at the mere thought of you, of being able to see you, of talking to you and making you smile and laugh. I learned how to fight a blush, how to swallow my heart when it caught in my throat, how to control myself whenever your lips were so close to mine. 

I went to music club because of you and how you inspired me to mix notes and instruments into an orchestra of raw human emotion. I joined Chinese class with you because you liked Ms. Lim so much and you knew it would give us both extra As, you nerd (I only got an A on it because you tutored me daily). 

I held your hand before the school concert, trying to hide my gaze from yours because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to hide myself if you met it. You were so nervous. You said, through tears, that you would probably screw it up. You received this incredulous look from me, because hell no, Boo Seungkwan. You wouldn’t be able to screw anything up even if you tried. I told you that. I felt myself melting, breaking down, because every. Single. Word. Was. True. And I hadn’t been able to be honest with you in so long. And it tore me apart seeing you crying and wrecked like that. Well, as expected, you stole the show, and as a bonus, my whole heart. 

You taught me to see the most beautiful sides of everyone, chiding me kindly whenever I complained about a teacher or classmate. You were so kind to everyone and anyone. You still are. You’ll always be. That’s you. That’s you, Boo Seungkwan. 

Your smile, your laugh, the way you throw yourself into people when you laugh, every curve and contour of your face and body, I tried, and continue to try to memorise. 

Your smile; your eyes always smile before your face does. Your eyes shine with that light, then your eyebrows move a little, and your lips curve and part slightly. Your cheeks puff out a bit. It’s the most beautiful natural phenomenon, next to aurorae and the rest of you. It filled me with the deepest, inexplainable joy to see you smile like that, so widely, like a smile wasn’t enough to express your emotions. 

You, hundreds of thoughts of you would run through my head, all going in different directions, driving my sleep away, driving me crazy. So many damn nights. You kept me up, when all I wanted was sleep, and well, you. I still – gosh, I can’t believe it either, but I still feel the same. 

It shouldn’t be possible – this slow, consistent burn, this love – how has it lasted so long? Why can’t I detach myself from you? It’s not healthy, God, no, it’s not healthy at all, but I can’t stop.

When you talk about girls. 

When you talk about girls, you’re always so respectful and flushed, gushing about their beautiful smiles and traits, their humour, their everything. I feel my neck burn, I don’t know why, whenever you talk about them. It goes hot for a second, suddenly, like your words are scalding me, which isn’t incorrect, before it mellows down with my heartbeat.

You’d get all flustered, talking about them, shy and adorable and very kissable. 

I remember that party one of our schoolmates – Mingyu, had, and we were both so excited. We spent hours deciding what to wear. I told you that you looked good in everything you wore. You said likewise. 

I remember laughing with one of our friends – I can’t remember who – and looking behind him, to see you kissing a girl, mouth on mouth. It was a gentle kiss. No aggressive pushing or neck bites or stuff like that. I felt my smile dissipate and my stomach plummet, plummet to the ground. I felt so sick and queasy. I didn’t own you. But I wanted to you to be mine, for just a moment. I cleared my throat and mumbled something about needing the toilet. I locked myself in. I was shaking, and my heart physically hurt, throbbing with pain. 

I remember coming out to you, so scared that you wouldn’t love me the way you did. Platonically. It was the most precious love to me, even though my heart and soul constantly wanted more and more. I was so, so scared that you would flinch from my touch or embrace, that you would smile awkwardly whenever I smiled at you. That you would think that I, your best friend of seven years (at the time), was weird and gay. But you pulled me into you, hugged me so tight, and I cried so long and hard, harder than I ever had. You kissed my head and drew circles on my back with your thumb. Which made me cry harder. I was living a lie. I was keeping the biggest secret to myself that I could never tell. I was in love with my best friend.

College came, and we stayed on the same campus. My feelings never wavered. Not once.

Then uni came. You studied psychology while I went for business. Along with uni came a cute boy named Seokmin, who actually liked boys. This common interest nudged us to each other, and we dated. For two solid years. I was really happy. It was a healthy relationship that we both genuinely cherished. But then we fell out, and I once again plummeted. I hit rock bottom hard, which is saying something. 

After another year, we reunited. You and I. It was my saving grace and the time I realised that six years later, I still loved you. And that you were the only person who could bring out the happiest me. 

Dear Lord, Boo Seungkwan. I love you.

I open my eyes. White strings dress the hall. We’re standing right in front of an altar, under a beautiful flowered arc, and you are smiling that same smile I imagined you would. You look so handsome, with your hair swept to the right, your smile stretching across your face uncontrollably, and your tuxedo fitting over your perfect frame. You’re looking down. You’re a nervous, shaking wreck. 

“I feel like vomiting,” he whispers, laughing breathily.

“Don’t,” I whisper back, smiling. 

He relaxes and straightens up again as the wedding march starts playing. I let my eyes linger on him for a second more before turning to the front. I feel my own stomach churn as the huge doors open for the stunning bride.

I quickly glance at him again, and he is lost in her. His eyes are shaking. I tear my gaze away. I know mine are too.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? And thank you so much for reading this!!


End file.
